Tonight was the final night for the Not Your Average Joe’s Restaurant fundraising event, Not Your Average Cause. Stan and I made plans go up, take part and to say thank you. We are so grateful for the opportunity and for all the friends and family who support us in all we do for Journey 4 A Cure. Plus it was a nice excuse to get out.
Unfortunately, I have been having a rough time and tonight I couldn’t hold back. I have been struggling with so many things that I conceivably have control over but can’t seem to act on (grief stinks) and so many things I will never have control over…Declan’s illness and ultimate death (grief is mind bending and truly unfair to your sensibilities). And I came clean tonight. I cried so hard for so many things I have in my head and just haven’t talked about. Some of it is rational, some of it is not.
It’s hard to talk about it, especially with someone you love who is hurting as bad as you are but is the only one who truly understands. But tonight we talked and cried. Not at all what we intended when we left the house tonight but what we, certainly I, needed.
And somewhere between the tears, the irony of the night hit me, Not Your Average Joe’s…that’s what we are. People who appear normal on the outside but are not at all what they appear. Kind of like a duck in the water….they appear calm and cool on the surface but beneath the water their feet are feverishly paddling.
We’re normal…we have kids to take care of, lunches to pack, bills to pay, jobs to perform, groceries to get…but really, we’re ‘Not your average Joe’s'….our lives are forever changed. Life will and is going on around us but it will always be something different from everyone else. Right now it feels awkward. I think it will change, I hope it will change but I guess it’s the process. The process of becoming comfortable with the new us….not shedding the old, we could never do that or want to…but learning how to be the new us.
Just Your Average Joe’s…taking life one minute at a time. Some more pretty than others but taking those steps, everyday. Bear with me / us will you? It’s so much harder than it looks.