It wasn’t a bad one…deciding to try to help create something that could make progress towards ending the course of something that killed my child, arguably not a bad choice. As I reflect on it today, not the right one for me and definitely not for my family.
It’s frustrating to say the least. I want to take action and you’d think of all people I would be able to do…I mean I have a fantastic reason, to help save other kids and families from our fate. For crying out loud, for Declan! I mean if I can’t find the motivation?! Unfortunately that fact has it’s land mines, it’s not about motivaton or want…those things are there in spades. It’s about fear. What if I fail again? Over the course of the year, I’ve tried to think of why…and what I can come up with is this – if I don’t try, I can’t fail. Truly insane I know, but there is protection in this insanity.
In spite of that, Journey 4 A Cure is thriving and I can say with confidence that it will not fail. It’s being led by some amazing people. Family and friends who have stepped up to build an organization to help all kids. My inaction was never going to pull down J4AC because of the will and determination of others.
At this point though, it is time for me to step away from my title as VP (I’ll always proudly be the Mommy part of my title!). I can’t struggle with these feelings of nothingness and frankly, it makes me feel bad to think and hear that people think J4AC success is because of me. I feel bad enough. I don’t need any more sources of bad feeling, intended or not. With the holidays upon us, I can feel the emotion starting to well up and it’s time (over time, really) to take care of my family.
Journey 4 A Cure is, and will remain, the pinacle of what I believe is good about making a difference in this ridiculous world of childhood cancer. I am proud to have my son associated with the foundation of this great organization. I hope to see you at future events, I know I’ll be there!
Oh yeah and one more thing…please vote on Pepsi Refresh to support the iPads4Cancer program, the difference being made in the lives of these kids battling cancer is immeasurable.
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